The power of meditation and the silliness of serendipity

Today while waiting in line at Sprouts to buy my lunch I decided to be mindful - to focus on the present moment, kindly, nonjudgmentally taking note of my feelings and thoughts, and do a little walking (standing in line) meditation. As I took my first deep breath and allowed my focus to set in on my state of being I could feel anxiety rising in my belly.  I had looked over at the other line that I didn't get into and noticed that it was shorter.  I looked over again and the person I would have been behind was being rung up while I still had two people in front of me.  I heard the thought, I should have gotten into the other line. I focused on my breath and the anxiety; I noticed jealousy, jealous of the few extra minutes that my alternate-reality self would have had. Thoughts and feelings swam around, thought, I had made a mistake, I was missing out.  These feelings and thoughts were powerful reminders of how often I operate outside of the present moment.  I focused in on the present moment noticing the clerk at the register in front of me checking a $100 bill she had been given for authenticity. Then the person in front of me was being served. I stayed focused on my breath. And now I am here present with the clerk.

As I turned to leave I was looking down at my wallet and I had to stop as I almost ran into the person leaving from the other register.  It was the woman I would have been behind, the one that had gotten to the register while I was still waiting in my line.  I left her pass in front of me and a smile burst across my face. How silly of me to have worried in the first place, I had chosen the faster line (and missed out on an extra minute or two of meditation).

The perils of online education and the dopamine rabbit hole: is it 2 in the morning already?

I'm not saying I think that online education is the reason I stayed up past 2 am today.  But if I wasn't taking an online class that pointed me to a clip of the Carmichael Show, which I had never heard of, which led me to IMDB, and then Jerrod Carmichael and his stand up on YouTube, and then clips of Gaffigan and then Whose Line Is It Anyway, would I have been up until 2 am today?

Is it my lack of will power or discipline?  Or maybe the computer itself and the internet and how my brain interacts with the ideas, images, and perceived social interactions?  The muse of my amusement, the traction of my distraction.  Maybe it's the dopamine hit and the attention getting YouTube logrhythm that has me hooked?

So what can I do to limit my exposure, to hone my tool, the computer, the browser, so that I can stay focused on my academic endeavor, and get some sleep?

Use an instance of Chrome that opens with the sites I need for my class, University website, University email, blackboard (or other LMS - learning management system), and a Google drive folder with class documents.  Keep it simple, less distraction, an empty desk, a clean slate. But isn't part of the beauty and power of education and intellectual stimulation traversing rabbit holes? (Just maybe not YouTube rabbit holes?)

I mean maybe it's my ADD baby?  Really though, maybe not necessarily ADD, but I have to admit even before computers were my fix, I stayed up into the wee hours of the morning, reading, playing chess, talking with friends, or on some other inner trip.  I wonder what keeps me up like this at night? Is it any different, typing away on this draft in front of this luminous screen, than writing in a notepad? Reading this article on a tablet versus holding a physical book? I'm still not sleeping.

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The title of this post is misleading. I'm missing the point, or rather, I'm mixing two messages. We need to be careful how we interact with any tool, any medium. When books/novels first became popular in the 1800s there was an outcry of concern: all of these people indoors for hours reading, immobile, daydreaming, distracted from the real world work to be done.

Computers are not necessarily a problem (although my cellphone might be...damn Blogger and Blackboard apps handy on my nightstand I still haven't slept tonight at all. It's 4:33 in the am).

Learning is exhilarating. I'm enthralled, excited in the most literal sense as my intellect has been turned on and it's not turning off. I'm exuberant about the prospect of learning and growing and teaching and contributing to our body of knowledge.

My favorite quote from Professor Joi Spencer so far is, "All knowledge is political and shaped by power." So simple and so true. My father confidently and emphatically stated that teaching is political, that all action (and inaction) is political in nature as it speaks to our power and culture.  I have the beautiful opportunity within my community to facilitate the creation of new knowledge, to love each other in public, to create more social justice to transform our society together.